What Is A Trainspotter? (Ferroequinologist)

There are, of course, many answers to this question, but in general are considered harmless lunatics who are alright in general but " I wouldn't like my daughter to marry one".
To British Rail, he is a source of revenue, and as such, receives the same consideration and courtesy as any other customer, which is of course, not much. On the other hand, there are some parts of British Rail to whom the spotter is a pain in the neck (or maybe lower). The confrontations between spotter and foreman have the same kind of standing as other great rivalries as Wellington and Napoleon, Gladstone and Disraeli, and of course Tom and Jerry. To be fair to the foreman, he must have the only job in the country where he is likely to be confronted by some soaking wet clown at 2.30 in the morning in the middle of nowhere.
It is well known that some spotters tend to collect strange things such as coaches and milk tankers but there has appeared another strange phenomenon. The general public has become used to seeing wierdos writing down engine numbers on stations, but is still completely baffled at the sight of some idiot fishing a roll of wallpaper out of his duffle bag and slamming it up against a Deltic nameplate to make a rubbing. There are many people who would be interested in a rubbing from the tomb of Sir Ethelred Farquarson, died 1321, but, who the devil wants "Gordon Highlander", Doncaster Station, 1975.
Due to a tendancy to go on long journeys, overnight trips and "basher" trainspotters are known to be slightly smelly at certain times. Although this is easily rectified, there are some spotters who take the hobby so seriously that they only take a bath  when their favorite 47  is in Crewe paintshop.
Although spotting used to be a fulltime job, as a result of massive cutbacks in locomotives the spotter has had to introduce his own entertainment  which is why some people collect several sets at once. These sets  include "my second set, my 1976 set, locos that Fido has seen and locos seen from the saloon bar of the  Rat & Goldfish." It is extreemly disappointing when Fido misses his last  47 because of next doors poodle.
There is a slight tendency for spotters to exaggerate. It is a well known fact that a spotter makes all his facinating sightings when he is by himself. It is also strange when you realise  that traffic through Chesterfield on Wednesday nights is double when I am not there.
A trainspotter is also someone who has loads of jealous workmates. They  decry the hobby as childish but remain slightly green about the travelling involved. Of course some of them have never heard of some places we go, let alone been themselves, I am thinking particually of Inverness and Dewsnap. So called friends make superior  snide remarks like " Were we chasing choo-choos this weekend then? "The way to stop this is to look casual and say "not really, we went to Cardiff on Saturday but stayed at home on Sunday. "When they grin knowingly, hit them between the eyes with" mind you, we're going all around Scotland next weekend, " and sit back and watch them seeth.
On holiday last year I cashed two cheques, on my return I went to my bank to check if they have been cleared. The cashier told me they had cleared but added "Where the hells Dingwall?" I  explained to her it's whereabouts and her eyes gazed as she said, "but the other one came from Plymouth. "
For the more adult spotters, perhaps a Doncaster policeman has really discovered what is a train spotter. To be fair to the police force, the majority have decided that spotters are harmless but decidedly daft.  This particular policeman approached me on Doncaster Station and having said that he knew what I was doing there but still could not see the point. I explained that as a hobby, and as such away of getting away from it all. His only comment was " I think I'll start my wife's like that!"
 As a parting thought  you must have heard the words- "In the spring a young mans turns to thoughts of love." The herbert who wrote this knows  nothing, in the spring a young mans fancy turns to what he is going to do on his railrover.

And finally.........

Trainspotting Laws according to Murphy (or Sod).

i) Your last 47 will be stabled at your local depot when you are at the other end of the country looking for it.
ii) Your last 47 will NEVER be it at it's home depot when you are given permission to go round.
iii) Your last 47 will ALWAYS be at it's home depot when you are refused permission to go round.
iv) Everybody you know will have seen your last 47 in the very recent past, and 100's of times before that.
v) When you finally see your last 47 it will be at an inconvenient time, probably when you are not "spotting", when you are on your own, and  certainly when you don't have a camera with you.
vi) After you see your last 47 you will see it everytime you go near a railway line, and the above laws are all reversed thereafter.